"Most Gruesome Lyrics...Ever"
posted on Oct 24 2006 01:41 pm
The following is Blender's attempt at listing the "Most Gruesome Lyrics...Ever:"
13. SKINLESS, "Crispy Kids"
Progression Towards Evil, 1998
THE DIRT: New York death metal that gives the guys good reason to squirm.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "Pour the boiling water on his balls/Bubbling scrotum ruptures testicles."
STAN SAYS: "Did you hear that? I think I just whimpered out loud."
12. ANAL CUNT, "Into the Oven"
It Just Gets Worse, 1999
THE DIRT: The "most nonmusical band in the world" get all Martha Stewart with a holiday serving suggestion.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "First you lived on a farm/Then you got your head cut off/Then I bought you in a grocery store/Pretty soon you'll be on my plate/Into the oven/Into the oven/I'm gonna eat you for Thanksgiving."
CORY SAYS: "They have the best band name ever. I would listen to anything a band named ANAL CUNT had to say."
11. NAPALM DEATH, "Maggots in Your Coffin"
Leaders Not Followers, 2000
THE DIRT: Malevolent grindcore Brits make a sound argument for cremation.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "You lie in darkness, death corrodes your face/You are rotting, maggots in your coffin/Worms in your head/Soon they'll be dead/Nothing to feed on in your empty skull."
MIKE SAYS: "Lucky for them, I plan to be buried with Cheetos. A lot of Cheetos."
10. GETO BOYS, "Mind of a Lunatic"
The Geto Boys, 1990
THE DIRT: Graphic H-town rappers make an unwelcome house call.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "My girls gettin' skinny, she's strung out on coke/So I went to her mother's house and cut out her throat/Her grandma was standin' there, she was screamin' out, Brad!/As she reached for the telly, I put the blade on granny's ass."
MIKE SAYS: "Who hasn't wanted to knock that tray of freshly-baked cookies out of granny's hands and lay into her with a boxcutter? No one? OK, never mind I said anything."
9. HAEMORRHAGE, "Sublime Anatomy of Revenge"
Morgue Sweet Home, 2002
THE DIRT: Spanish Gore-grinders enjoy finger-painting, name-checking themselves in the process.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "I rub the intestines on your face/Shredded abdomen/Profuse gastric haemorrhage/Mangled innards/Dislocated anal tract/Nauseous torment/Festered organs I extract."
MIKE SAYS: "That's just inviting infection. Reading this makes me want to shower in Purell."
8. SLIPKNOT, "Disasterpiece"
Iowa, 2001
THE DIRT:Masked frontman Corey Taylor's had a bad day. A really bad day.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound/I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon/I wanna dig inside, find a little bit of me/Cuz the line gets crossed when you don't come clean."
JOE SAYS: "Never has such a high-profile album touted this poetic theme, and we're all better for it."
7. AUTOPSY, "Burnt to a Fuck"
Shitfun, 1995
THE DIRT:Gross-out kings put the "fun" in Shitfun.
FILTHIEST BIT: "Your burning face/A charcoal cinder/Lump of putrid sizzling flesh/Dripping features deforming fast/Scream 'til your mouth fuses shut/To barbeque I sentence you."
MIKE SAYS: "Barbecue tip for AUTOPSY: A few minutes on each cheek will reduce the charring. Then place the skull in the 'safe zone' — that's the coolest part of the grill — and you can get to work on the corn on the cob and internal organs."
6. DARK LOTUS, "Black Rain"
Black Rain, 2004
THE DIRT: Violent J breaks free from the artistic constraints of the Worst Band Ever, INSANE CLOWN POSSE, and continues right where they left off.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "I stick a running chainsaw blade all down your throat/And fuckin' outta ya ass/I cut ya body in half/I gotta be bloody/Leave somebody's blood on my body."
MIKE SAYS: "And here I thought Shaggy 2 Dope was the lyrical genius…"
5. GRAVEDIGGAZ, "1-800-Suicide"
6 Feet Deep, 1994
THE DIRT: WU-TANG's RZA ushers in the birth of Horrorcore, and the death of pretty much everything else.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "The first was convinced/Stuck a water hose in his mouth at full blast so his head can explode/Second said 'hmmmm that's good but I can top it'/Put an ax up to his head and then he chopped it/Blood shot out in every direction/The rest didn't know what to do/I made suggestions."
JOE SAYS:"In the rap world, before there was bling, there was blood. RZA, helpful lad that he is, is full of creative scenarios."
4. SLAYER, "Piece by Piece"
Reign in Blood, 1986
THE DIRT:Thrash metal band uses big words, simple themes.
GRUESOMEST BIT: " Modulistic terror/A vast sadistic feast/The only way to exit/Is going piece by piece/Bones and blood lie on the ground/Rotten limbs lie dead/Decapitated bodies found/On my wall, your head!"
JOE SAYS: "20 years later SLAYER's new album, Christ Illusion, debuted at No.5. Score one for satanic murderous intent!"
3. ARAB ON RADAR, "Biggest Little Prick in the Union"
Rough Day at the Orifice, 2003
THE DIRT: Insane alien rock band get auto-erotic.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "I removed my foreskin to interfere with procedure/I tied one end of the rope to the tip of my prick and the other, to the exhaust of my girlfriend's car/'Hey,' I said, 'put the pedal to the metal'/And I've got to wrap duct tape around my cock just to keep it together."
CORY SAYS: "Jesus Christ."
2. CANNIBAL CORPSE, "Hammer Smashed Face"
Hammer Smashed Face, 1993
THE DIRT: Death metal so over the top it makes it to the Ace Ventura: Pet Detective soundtrack.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "The sledge, my tool to torture/As it pounds down on your forehead/Eyes bulging from the sockets/With every swing of my mallet/I smash your fucking head in, until brains seep in/Through the crack/Blood does leak distorted beauty/Catastrophe steaming slop/Splattered all over me/Lifeless body, slouching dead/Lecherous abcess/Where you once had a head."
JOE SAYS: "This song has a clear message: You're going to die, you're dying, you're supposed to die ... just pretty much die already."
1. MAYHEM, "Chainsaw Gutsfuck"
Deathcrush, 1987
THE DIRT: Norwegian death metal band break the fourth wall and live the nightmare — with gruesome results.
GRUESOMEST BIT: "Bleed down to the fucking core/You're going down for fucking more/Screw your slimy guts/Driving me fucking nuts!/Chainsaw in my bleeding hands/As I start to cut you in two/Your guts are steaming out/And I just love the sight!"
JOE SAYS: "You know you're gruesome when 1) Your singer commits suicide but decides that lacerating his wrists is not enough, so he completes the act with a shotgun blast to the head. 2) Your guitar player eats said singer's brains and makes several necklaces from the remnants of his skull. 3) Said guitar player becomes involved in a feud with a fellow musician and as a result gets murdered by way of 23 stab wounds to the head, neck and back and 4) Your band continues on to write more lyrics like these, which carry a simple theme: They want to fuck your guts with a chainsaw. Until you die."